Thursday, January 26, 2012

An Affair Happened. What now?

You found out your spouse had an affair. You are shocked, confused, and sad. What to do? Divorce? Leave? Take a break? Scream and yell? Tell everyone you know?

Discovering a partner's indiscretion is one of the toughest things to live through. How could s/he have done that? What was s/he thinking?

Many people say they would leave if they ever learned of a partner's affair. Many change their minds. Many who do leave hastily, live to regret the decision.

Though it's a long recovery, the joy in reconnecting in deeper and more meaningful ways, takes the marriage to a much more satisfying level. It does require a lot of inner work for both people. It asks people to learn ways to be conscious, connected, and compassionate. It asks them to reach inside themselves and stretch perspectives, ideals, and judgments.

The journey is challenging. So is the journey toward finding a new spouse. Which path do you want to travel. Both are growth producing. Someone once said to me, "I keep marrying the same guy with different colored hair."

When people start changing their beliefs, expectations, and perceptions, they find the people around them to be more joyous and much easier to love.

Though painful, this is also an opportunity. What do you want to make of it?

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